Changes

Wow, I forgot I had this blog and how life has changed. I am no longer with my son's dad and that is a good thing. I realized what I felt for him wasn't love but fear. I was afraid to leave him. I thought that by being beaten on a regular basis at least I had someone. I finally got the courage to leave him a year ago. I have come a long way. I have a great job, going to school, seeing an awesome guy who loves me more than anything. I am happy finally!

missing people from the past

Lately, I have found myself thinking about the past. Sometimes, I wish things had turned out differently. I know people say that the people from the past didn't make it to your present for a reason. But I still miss them! Maybe it's the loneliness I feel here. I have no idea. For instance, I loved my ex in-laws! My ex husband may have been a jerk. (which was not entirely his fault. He was brainwashed by a cult, that I was fortunate to get out of.) But I still miss his family. I know this doesn't make sense to a lot of people. I even still have a spot in my heart for my ex husband. He was a great man who got sucked in to a bad group. I have no hard feelings toward him. Now, with all that said, I am happy with my life. I love my boyfriend and our son. Sometimes, I gues I could at least have closure on some things in the past. The last time I saw my ex husband, I could tell how much he loved me. But those people had to convince him to leave me, cuz I wasn't godly enough. Yes, it is that group of people that I blame. I am afraid die to that experience that my boyfriend now will all of a sudden decide to up and leave. It is because of that group, I am hesitant to get close to God cuz I can't go thru the pain of not being good enough again.